The Lady Doctor

**warning** Any dudes not comfortable talking or reading about a woman's tender bits in a nonsexual way should just leave now.

So hey, yeah, now that we're all in the right frame of mind, I finally had my annual last week with an OB/GYN. Actually, I guess she was just a GYN because her receptionist informed me when I made the appointment that the doctor was no longer handling pregnancies and if I had the nerve to get pregnant, I'd have to find another doctor. Okay, she didn't quite say that, but you get the general drift.

Anyhow, there was a moment when I considered hanging up and finding a different doctor, because I do hope to get pregnant at some point, but I was already 3 months late in getting my annual and I'd already done my research (it would be helpful if the doctor kept her info up to date, I'm just sayin') , and with the whole health care coverage switch at the start of the year I figured I'd better just make the appointment and deal with switching doctors later.

So last week was the big day! On the up side, I worked from home that day because I knew I wasn't going to want to drive to work and sit at my desk in an office after having my tender bits prodded. The downside, I had to have my bits prodded. I don't care how often doctors say there are no nerve endings in there and I'm not really experiencing any pain, I'm freaking experiencing pain. Thankfully, this doctor never said anything like that.

Anyhow, at my last annual I had screened positive for human papillomavirus (HPV) and the Kaiser folks called (even though I'm no longer on Kaiser) to make sure I didn't forget to re screen. There are roughly 100 different types of HPV and normally our immune systems will deal with the low-risk HPVs and when you re screen, it will be gone. It's the 15 or so high-risk HPVs that we have to worry about. These types can lead to cervical cancer.

The doctor called me at work yesterday and informed me that my pap came back abnormal and that I'm still screening positive for HPV. So I sat there at my desk thinking, "Okay, I need to change that call sheet I filled out for the doctor because I've changed my mind and I really don't want to receive news like this while I'm at work."And then I sort of put it out of my mind.

Scoob was a dear when I got home, though I could tell he didn't really quite know what to do or say. He's one of those folks that warning was directed at. He's all about the hooha until it gets clinical. Even though I could tell he was uncomfortable, he tried, and that's what counts. There was much hugging and cuddling, and that's never a bad thing.

Oh, and apparently I hadn't put it out of my mind as much as I thought. I started and finished an entire bottle of wine.
By. My. Self. Ouch. Yeah, today was not fun.

I've scheduled an appointment for a biopsy at the end of the month. The doctor said to take a couple of Advil before I come in because it will be uncomfortable. Okay, hey, I take Advil before my paps and I still think those are uncomfortable, so what the hell does that mean the biopsy is going to be like?

Screw ibuprofen. Daizepam would work. That's what the dentist used when removing my wisdom teeth. There was no anxiety (nope, none whatsoever) going in for surgery and I have to say I was pain-free for a good 6 - 8 hours afterwards too. Aside from the fact I kept waking up during the surgery asking to see my teeth, that seemed to work well.